Tuesday, June 23, 2009

WHAT IS THE HANG UP WOMEN HAVE WITH COOKING?

Women, really what is the hang up that we have with cooking? Men really want to know why some of us fuss over it. Let us not forget that there are also alot of women who actually love to cook and would do it three times a day. I grew up in a house where my mother cooked a fresh hot meal three times a day. We hardly ever ate a cold breakfast. But here is the catch, she did not work. My father was the sole provider of the house. Furthermore, she had people around to help her.

I Will Not Cook reader, Jonathan comments:

Interesting topic. I've always wanted to ask African Women about this cooking hangup that some of them have, so I look forward to reading their points of view.
First let me premise my position by saying I have always looked at a woman cooking for me as an extension and expression of her love (My Mom, Shirley from across the street who made me those slamming Lasagna or my sister Joyce throwing down on Thanksgiving).
I also look at it the same way when Shirley asked me to accompany her on a 2hr ride to Brooklyn on what I thought was the coldest day ever (at least in recent history)or traveling all the way to University of Uyo(during rainy season) to visit my sister when she was a Professor there.
We give, we share, we sacrifice that's what to me makes a relationship work. So if your not going to cook what are your expectations of me? Or will you not have any? Hmmmmmm


Thanks for you feedback and question Jonathan. I also invite my female readers to comment on his thoughts as well. The point of this blog is to get as many viewpoints from both men and women.

Jonathan,

There are so many points that you bring up here so I will tackle them one at a time, and maybe I will do it over a few blogs.

You say that you look at a woman cooking for you as an "extension of her love". Let me back up for a minute. In todays society, women are on the grind. They are wives, mothers, workers, business owners, students, etc. For me, there is something about having to think about what to cook for someone every blessed day.

It is one thing if I am a stay home wife and all I have to manage are the affairs of the household. That means, you, the man works and brings home the bacon. You the man are responsible for all "our" bills and all "our" needs. You take care of our family, both the immediate and extended. You are the provider. Okay, if you come at a woman like that then you should absolutely demand that she fall into her traditional role as a wife. Now women look at being a housewife as a walk in the park or as a low level position. I do not feel that way at all. This is a topic that I will address fully in the future.

News flash!! I really do not know that many men who do not need their wives income to survive. In some cases their wives income may be the only source of income coming in. So if I the woman is helping you with your slack, just keeping it real here fellas--lets call a spade a spade, then why can't you help me around the house and help me with the cooking. The minute you allow a woman to work and contribute to the finances and running of the home, you in essence have given up the right to ask her to "organise you a meal" on a daily basis.

So why do not you help her? She helps you in your role as the provider, you help her in her role as the manager of househaold affairs. Now are there some women out there that are suoerwoman and do not need the help of a man? I am sure. But even if you are with that kind of woman, a little help goes a long way.

I also have to make this point, some men say, ,"Oh she must cook for me, she must clean for me, she must do this and do that". But if I a woman comes to the man and I say, "Where the cash at? You must buy me this and buy me that. I want a new car and a big house. How about an upgrade on my ring?" I am a golddigger, big money spender. I am not supportive and understanding.

Monday, June 22, 2009

WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?

“I will not cook!” Whatever do I mean? Because I am an educated woman, or I should say because I am a woman, I am going to complicate this rather simple statement. A lot of people are assuming that I am just stating that “I Will Not Cook” but for a woman like myself that would be rather pedestrian and obvious.

The issue at hand is much bigger than that; and it is much bigger than me. The voice of the person stating “I Will Not Cook” could be that of a woman or a man.


So when you think about, “I Will Not Cook”, think about it as a statement representing a departure from the normal, a departure from the expected, a departure from what it means to be African. Think about the kind of shock that you feel when you see an African parent trying to reason with their 5 year old child, when you know that in the African tradition the child ought to be slapped and told to shut up. I call the blog, I will not cook because in the African context, this is the greatest sin of all. And so, I will start off with this topic. In America, people say finances will break up a home, in Africa it is the lack of cooking that will send your husband packing and running for his life.

The matters that I will be talking about are the dynamics in relationships as it pertains to Africans living abroad and to some extent to the ones living on the continent. How do navigate through our traditional values when living in a foreign land? How modern is too modern? We will talk about cooking, sex, dating and marriage inside and outside your ethnic group or race, bearing children, raising children, the dynamics of juju and witchcraft in marriage and families, mother-in-laws, father-in-laws, sending money to your parents after marriage, traditional marriages vs. white weddings, marrying for papers, building homes in village, not speaking your traditional language, African men who marry nurses, African men who pimp their wives, African men who beat their wives, taking a second wife, and so much more. If you have a topic, send it in and let us talk about it.

WHAT ARE PEOPLE SAYING ABOUT I WILL NOT COOK

What are people Saying.

I really want to hear from you. Both good and bad. I have been accused that I will be the cause of broken homes. The truth of the matter is that if you and your other breakup, it will not be because of me. I am here to help not to break people up. But I will get down and dirty so do not get mad at me if I call you out on your dirt--this goes for both men and women.

This blog is 4 days old and I have only 3 followers so far. Booo. That is okay because I know that Africans do not know how to follow directions. I mean is it that difficult? Thanks Laurelle and Ugo--you are my firsts! Well, I cannot really knock anyone because I had no idea how to follow a topic on a blog in the past. Plus I have often found blogs boring. I will throw some pictures up here sooner or later. That will be for the people who do not want to read. Hey you can also join the club on facebook...I will Not Cook:)

I did send out a mass email to a few of my friends and some have sent feedback via email and facebook. I want to share.



Chichi

I will not cook!
what a blog!!
this is another way of women thinking they are DOING A MAN A FAVOUR...too bad!...no man have ever divorced his wife because she can't cook...besides, men cook better...have you girls EVER heard of the name 'restaurant', that sweet, smelling, beautiful place with very 'pretty' girls (YOUNG) serving the best meals with 'smiles' AND asking, 'do you need anything else'?..LADIES...stop tripping...

E (MAN, a village man at that)

Chichi

"You seemed to do a pretty decent job slaving over that frying pan on Sat night..."


M. (MAN)


Chichi

"Girl, na wa o! Dis one na emancipation from kitchen abi wetin? hahaha...."

U. (Woman)

Chichi

"Don't cook and ur husband will find a mistress...hahahaha"

F. (WOMAN, married forever with four kids)


Chichi

"good chi-chi your doing it how awesome for you..."

R. (WOMAN)

Chichi

"You ARE seriously a FOOL! Unless you plan on going non-African, girl you better learn to cook!"

J. (WOMAN)

Chichi,

oooohhhh. I have stories to tell about African men and cooking.
I had to break up with an ex who demanded me to "organize food" for him and his boys!!!

B. (WOMAN)

Chichi

haha! but i looooove cooking! :) i look fwd to reading the blog ChiChi......

A. (WOMAN)

Chi,

Congrats on the launch of the blog! I will join the following soon

J. (WOMAN)

Chichi,

This will most certainly get an interesting debate started in the days,and months ahead.When we had first chewed over this i thought it was a fresh medium of expressing the different veiw points on so many issues affecting our daily lives as Africans,almost noble(lol).I still think its fresh ,and smart,so am just gonna sit back and enjoy this one. Though am almost certain I definitely will not cook.

Ugo O. (MAN)

Chichi,

Why is that your issue?

A. G (MAN)


Congrats Chi Chi and I wish you the best of luck!

N. (WOMAN)

Chichi,

I think there is a word mispelt ....proclaim or something else go re-check

later!

M. (MAN)


Waoo ChiChi,

This blog is going to be war.. i'm sure the're lots of people with so much to say.... concerning this topic..

Have a lovely day and be blessed.

T. (WOMAN)

THE FIRST MAN IN MY LIFE RESPONDS

My Dearest daughter Chichi,

Thank you a trillion times.
This is a masterpiece from the soul of an angel.
It is profoundly thoughtful.
It is revealing of your magnificent personality and the grace in you.
It illuminates the great blessings the Almighty God has deposited into your life.
These blessings are soon to manifest unhindered and unabridged to the glory of God's name.

I know that you and your siblings are going to make it very-very big in spite of any challenging circumstances.
Men and Women marrying into Nwoko family will help to build.
They and their families shall be affected by the prosperity and peace in Nwoko family.

From generation to generation, the Nwokos shall be the blessed of God.
Like the sons of the Nwokos and their generational offspring, the daughters of the Nwokos and their offspring shall carry these blessings with them wherever they make their home.

That is the promise of God to me.
This promise is the divine favor that keeps my hope aflame.
My beloved Roseline and I shall live to see this promise.

Ada Nwoko, I cherish you and I love you.
You are a blessing unto Nwoko family.
May you also remain blessed.

Your Daddy,
Chikwe.

THE FIRST MAN IN MY LIFE

There is a man in my life.
We have been together... forever.
Each time he sees me, his eyes light up and smile.
He calls me often just to say "I love you" "I am so proud of you" "I am solidly behind you" "When are you coming home, we miss you".

His love for me is unconditional.
His love makes me a bold and confident woman.
His love for me makes me feel that I can do anything.
He cherishes me.
I am his only girl.

He pushes me be a better woman and to reach higher.
He wants me to be secure and independent.
He wants me fly and take the world by storm.
He sees in me potential.

He teaches me to be honest
He teaches me to have dignity and integrity
He teaches me to have compassion
He teaches me not to settle for less than I deserve.
Because of him I can hold my head up high.
Because of him I know my worth.

He prays for me.
He prays for my success.
He prays that God will bless me and all that I do
He prays for my family that is yet formed
He prays for my children who are yet born.
When there is a situation that is too much for me to bear alone, I call him.
He prays.

He celebrates all of my victories, both big and small.
He celebrates me.
He trusts me. He respects me.
He values what I say.

And even when we disagree.
When we argue.
When we fuss and fight.
...I know he loves me.

He never wants anything from me.
When I give him something, no matter how small;
He receives like I have given him the greatest gift.
He always wants to give to me.
He always wants to do for me.
He needs to know that I am okay.

He is stern, and serious.
But sometimes he catches me off guard me a joke.
Sometimes he is funny, sometimes he is not.
He laughs at himself, and I laugh with him.

I love when he laughs
I am his friend, his teacher, his biggest fan.
I am his daughter and his mother.
I am the protector of his household and his name.
I am his future.
I am him.

He is my friend, my teacher, my biggest fan.
He is my god here on earth. He is my inspiration.
He is the voice in my head that shows me the way.
I often ask myself, "What would he do?"
He is my wealth. He is my pride.
He is mine.

He is my Father-the first man in my life who has set a high standard my Husband and the father of my children.

Happy Father's Day, Everyday to my Daddy,

Chikwendu Friday Nwoko from your daughter, Chinwendu "Chichi" Ofor-Nwoko

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I WILL NOT COOK

My name is Chichi Nwoko. I am the self-procliamed relationship expert on African Diaspora relationships. See as an Irish born Nigerian living in America, dating and relationships come with there own sets of issues and challenges; so who better to be the expert on them than myself. After reading my blogs, I promise you too will agree that I am indeed an expert.

I have decided to start this blog because I have a lot to say. Soon, I will NOT COOK will turn into a nice fancy website with all the bells and whistles, but until then, well, it is what it is.

Let me start by saying that I will NOT COOK is not the same as I do not know how to cook. I actually enjoy cooking. For me it is like an experiment somedays and other days it is like an art form. Furthermore, I believe, every woman, as a matter of fact every human being should know how to prepare a meal to feed themselves. Men, yes that includes you too.

Okay. The name of my blog is a bit hostile but that is not my intention. It actually came about one day when I was on the phone with one of my friends and she was lamenting about the expectations that men, specifically African men have on their African women--to cook. I had heard similar frustrations echoed by a lot of my other female friends, both the married and the unmarried.

This is going to be fun and real. I invite you to add your comments and questions. Also tell a friend, to tell a friend, to tell a friend.

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